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Forum Home > Share Your Life's Testimony > Tania's Life Testimony Part 1

tanialovingdalord
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Posts: 16

Well hello my name is Tania im 33years old i have several kids whom i am very proud of im not sure where to start here but im trying its really hard to drop all my life's history and personal information so here I go god give me strength, well i wuz born Cinco De Mayo (May 5th) to Rosemarie (and Anthony that I know of) I wuz born in Los Angeles County, Monterey Park California. I've lived back and fourth from there to here in Denver where I live now. I wuz raised in a domestic violence/alcoholic home where my so called dad wuz an alcoholic and drank daily from wake up to pass-out, he never worked so my mom worked 2 jobs and my older brothers and sister took care me and my 2 younger brother Matt and Angel. I hated living and watching my mom and dad fight ugly and so violently then she finally left him since he beat her so bad she wuz blind and had surgery in beginning of the 1980's? all of my older brothers and sister are from my mom's previous husband who also wuz a woman abuser. My mom moved us from place to place never stable in one past 6 months i've attended so many Elementary and Jr. High Schools its a shame. When I wuz 6 years old my older brother wuz doing his thing and not legally but he helped my mom support us so she didnt struggle and that ended up with our house being batter rammed by Denver police and Dect.'s, Swat teams and dea and that wuz ugly I remember going with my brother crusing in his low-riders he had 12 top show cars with trophy's awards etc. and wuz like an idol to us . We use to go every Sunday to Church when the Church bus came for us it wuz Mile High Baptist Church for a few years then another down fall and we moved away. We moved to California in1984? because my family wuz all criminals that's what wuz said once my brother went to prison and we of course got kicked out of Denver by the Courts System it seemed 191j wuz our home away from home, When we lived in California we became homeless and moved from place to place then my step dad got sick almost died we stayed with our gay uncle Chuck that wuz cool but he had a boyfriend Joe who fought him daily til we met up with my mom and moved to 5533 N. Hollywood blvd where we seen prostitues ,pimp, gays, drug users/dealers and it all my older brother brought us to California there were we all re-united he wuz giving us a new start and different life yea sure it wuz exciting as kids we had it all and lived it up nicely with whatever we wanted but again it wuz ugliness and we did do constructive things as in break dancing at beaches and going to dance shows my brother kept us active then drama with my brother's business he did as a pimp or what did he call it private body guard, came up there to where we all had to flee real quickly left with nothing just what we had on and a money duffle bag huge one too and Colorado here we come again! then once we made it back and were settled in a house my brother got us it wuz great til the swat team busted in one day took everyone to jail and off to prison my brother went 16-32 years after being under survelliance for some time and my brother wanted on crimes and that wuz that i knew it wuz wrong but as a child i wuz told it wuz for us to have a good life and help the poor people which my brother did alot gave money like it grew on tree's and he had plenty of tree's of it...later when i wuz 11 years old my 2 younger brothers and I began running the streets with older gang members bloods and dcp. We bacame initiated in a gang then they were family to us since we all came from a struggling broken home and we began causing so much drama it wuz sickning from stealing bikes, cars doing drugs , selling drugs, drinking, staying out til whenever we wanted worrying my mom sick and just being out of control because we had no supervision my mom wuz either at work or with my new step dad Jack who drank and had seizures bad. In 1989-90? at 12 years old I met Steve my first everything he wuz 18 then i think but I ended up letting him talk me into running away from Colorado to California when I turned 13 and pregnant with my first daughter Chrystena that wuz a mistake he began being physically abusive while I wuz pregnant I ended up in the hospital several time but ran away and went back I even went to a Childrens home Orangewood ugh that wuz sad and depressing I continued on with him and thought it wuz love cuz that's what he told me I contacted my mom when I had Chrystena I wuz a reported run away so a fugitive from Colorado, Lori enrolled me in school she wuz so awsome and a christian woman who took me in as a daughter, then my mom and 2 younger brothers moved to California were I wuz so my mom wuz with me when I had Meriah Steve and I stayed with Lori and Dennis his dad and step-mom in Garden Grove I stood with Steve got pregnant agin with Meriah in 1992 so at 15 years old I wuz a mom of 2 girls not in school just doing whatever with him as he said when he said it I jumped I wuz afraid to leave and be a mom alone cuz I wuz a child myself while we sstayed with Dennis and Lori she enrolled me in school a teen mom school which I wuz so thankful to her helping me and protecting me from Steve and his abuse. Once i had Meriah we moved into a hotel while he so called worked I stood home took care the girls and became a wife and mom, my mom has always helped me be a mom or at least try to. After several years of being mistreated I finally left and started a new life my brother Angel died in 1994 in a traggic car accident which led me back to Colorado before I came back I got pregnant again and had my Bryana right after i graduated from high school/teen mother school in Stanton California Bryana was a blessing in Dec.1993 she was 2 months early due Feb. 12 th,1994 the day my brother Angel had died, my brother Angel knew I had a girl and was happy for me and oh did he love his nieces like his own he never had a chance to see or meet Bryana since I was living in California when Angel died I came back from California on Feb. 17th,1994 his funeral day was the worst ever day I had fely like my heart had been ripped out over and over again, I just couldnt face the fact that he was really gone I didnt feel he was gone. I use to be a member of Victory Outreach Christian Church for years like 7 plus years kinda half stepped, I became angry and very hateful towards everyone including god I just didnt know why he took my brother from me Angel was always my protector no matter how big nor small he was my ball and chain we were always together and when i needed anything he always did what ever it took to be there for me, once his funeral was over I began drinking very badly daily partying and smoking weed it was ugly but I just didnt care no more I went back to California and did 6 months in jail for witholding info on where Bryana was I was going thru a custody battle and was ordered not to take her out of State which I didnt care I did what I thought was best for Bryana at that time so I left her in Colorado with family and went back to California did my contempt time and my older brother went back and went with me thru the court process. I got full guardianship of Bryana Chrystena and Meriah went to live with Georginna and Larry so I moved on with my self left the church in Orange County and went to Modesto to start over in the beginning of 1995? I met Emilia she was my boss I cleaned houses with then she had me going back and fourth with her to the doctor to find out she was dying for almost 2years? I stood by herside til the end she asked me to marry her son Louis oh was he so nice and handsome also a big baller I did and that was great he was in the Army before then got out after a few years then illegal jobings many places, States and I waitted at home while he was gone sometimes or just hit the road with him and made that fast fast cash and plenty of it 1 trip would hold us over 6-7 months top then he wanted me home and he put me thru school college classes til I stopped going I did eventually finish and get a Physical Therapy Asst. degree which I did that 2 months then quit it wasnt for me I didnt feel like that was my calling I went home one day and Louis just got back from his trips he said Tania I dont wanna live like this no more I need more I feel empty I feel like my mom wanted me to change and you dont seem happy with me being gone or having the money im willing to give all this chasing the money up for you and I to just live simple and happy so he did and alot of people didnt like that he did veery good worked daily a real job  began church life as a youth pastor that lasted a few years until he just got caught up someone got in trouble and told on everyone from before so he went to jail and took his time and said nothing about no one else involved he would never be a snitch he said. I waitted he got out and we were ok again then a crime came up he refused to tell what was confessed a few months before to him in confidence he trusted that god can be the only judge on a disabled child that had told him about another persons doings he prayed on it for a few days then a week later here come the police arresting him he went to jail with his head held high and said I love you Tania I will be ok I believe in God trust me it will all be ok well 3 months later I went on a visit after going every weekend fri. sat. and sunday. I didnt get my visit it was refused I was told the warden in the prison will be meeting with me so I was to wait, I met with him to find out my husband was killed stabbed 38 times thru out his body and throat slit I was in shock and devistated I had just lost my husband and why? he was a man of god doing god's work why would god do this to him to me I needed him in my life he was an inspiration always telling me go to school read books he had me volunteering in the church 5-6 times in a week and on call he was day and night so I was really lost now and scared, I left the house he left me and went back to Orange County where I met some friends thru his old friends then I began doing crank, coke snorting it not caring I wuz free alone and mad at the world. A new year was coming in a few weeks, my mom found I was not doing right and sent me a ticket to go back to Colorado after spending alot of money he left me just dumb in a few short months I never went back and one day after partying 2-3 weeks straight I fell to my knees after being suicidial figuring out how to do it I tried slitting my wrist but it wouldnt cut and I then began hearing my dead husband telling me Tania please this aint you go home dont let the devil destroy you please for me you have a purpose here and I walked out of the house where I was partying and went home to our house in Modesto got my clothes went to a rehab center told them I need help Im lost In the devils world with drugs and drinking, I stood there maybe 4-5 months dont remember after I got out I called my mom got a ticket and went home to Colorado and stood 2 years then moved to Kansas City kansas.I sold drugs and worked a job I needed the money then helped my friend Cher watch her kids she was a white girl young married to a very wealthy business owner with many companies she has uit made just 2 kids i helped watch them like a nany got $700 bucks a week plus lived in guest house which was a 3bedroom pool access and drove one of there suburbans It was ok I ended up leaving there after saving $12,000 in 8 months so i left and moved back to West  Los Angeles (the jungle) yes were all the bloods live in a closed up community I stood with my so called dad who had a heart attack 3 times so open heart surgery me and Bryana took care him and I worked a ugly job as a receptionist at a legal office that didnt work after 2 months I found many liquor bottles under his bed and the manager said thrown out his bedroom window he took the screen out and tossed while I was gone working then got Bre from child care then home to work there he was a mess I just couldnt take it so I left went to South Central Los Angeles and found a job at a hotel desk clerk it was ok had a little apartment across the street now this was straight hood ghetto but I was comfy no one bothered me, eventually a few years have gone by I went back to Colorado where I was talking to  Peter he was my mom's neighbor 's son in his 30's? who kept hitting on me when I was in Colorado in 1994 when my brother died, we became friends and then dated he was nice had a job but drank I then didnt drink much slowed way down, continued on next part 2

April 30, 2010 at 3:52 AM Flag Quote & Reply

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